Perhaps one day, my interest in the game will perk back up, but for now, there is no spark. I'm very sorry. But for this, I am not giving up on you all. I love you all, but I hope you understand that some reasons behind my not being here has to do with family. My mother, in fact.
In March of this year, my mother had strange flu-like symptons, and ended up taking her to the hospital. Turns out she had a gall bladder infection. After staying home alone for about 4 days, I finally heard she had it removed. For a week, I'd never seen my mother in a happier state. You see, she's known pain for about 28 years. She has diabetes, Degenerative Disk Disease, fiber myalgia, carpal tunnel, insomnia, and God knows what else. So around the end of March she had a come-back. Her joints killed her; she was crying in pain. My mother is a strong woman, and for that, I believe in her. She ended up staying in Bluffton Regional for 10 days, me being alone for those days, without a mom...
Felt empty... We still don't know what happened. And to this day, she isn't doing well. I feel like my life is slowly falling apart. Things seem to get worse for my mom. And since it affects her, it affects me. I love her so much... She's all I've got. It's such a long story. Things have been screwed up; ever since I stopped coming here. Then I realize how much neglect I've put this forum through, and guilt rises in my chest. I've been taking anti-depressants since the beginning of last year. It's helped... a lot... but things still aren't quite right. I feel so much sadness, because this forum isn't what it used to be. It's deserted... and I've lost great, great interest in our beloved ZT. I miss the old times. Sometimes, I wish childhood would take me again in its arms so I can be so care-free and unknowing to the world. And sometimes, it's better not to know some things. There's been so much death and destruction around this world. Between hearing of Sherbear's death, and the constant draining of society as we know it... It tends to make a person want to curl up in a tight ball and cry their eyes out.
There has only been about 1 good thing that happened besides my mom having that week of no pain: I became an official member of my church. St. Peter Lutheran Church. I've been active there since I've haven't been coming here. I've always looked to my Triune God... but now, I am finding myself defending Him more and more each day.
I had a dream a few nights ago that my mom got really sick and had to go back to the hospital. And later, I realized she was dead. And this emptiness of no love and no comfort.. and oh, gosh, a lot of other emotions. I woke up... Thank God it was a dream. Sometimes I find myself wondering if that dream wasn't a premonition of things to come.
Anyways, I'm sorry, y'all. I'm not the Kielo you know right now.. Just not feeling like myself. But I'm sticking strong, and I won't leave this forum. I hate to not see you guys.
Remember, God loves you. Jesus loves you.
God bless you all.
~Kielo
